Pen{g}sieve Vol. 13: The Power of coaching for insights -- my personal manifesto
This post shares my recent experience working with my first transformational coach. I never interacted with a professional coach until I met Priit at Tiago’s Personal Annual Review meetups in April. After exchanging our 2021 goals (mine and his) — one of mine was finding ten new people who can push me out of my comfort zone — Priit reached out to me:
“I see that one of your goals is to introduce more play and new experiences to your life, and know 10 new people who can push you outside the comfort zone …. I'm sure I can push you outside your comfort zone and lift you in whichever way.”
I do not need a mind doctor
Coaching was a completely new experience for me, so I took up the offer in the spirit of open-mindedness. But deep down, I was highly skeptical of whether Priit (or anyone) could coach me with real impact. With this mindset, I started our first session with:
“I do not think I need a mind doctor. I have no childhood trauma nor self-esteem issues. I never had any therapy. I am pretty content with my life now”.
There are perhaps also power dynamics at play. I thought being coached was all about receiving advice and always felt a subtle submission of power while doing so.
I was utterly wrong! Instead of giving advice, Priit poked at my thinking with simple but powerful questions. In the space he created, I could access some of my deepest fear and wants that I had avoided for years. Instead of overpowering me, he empowered me to find the answers myself. Through these deep conversations, some of my most fundamental beliefs got shifted.
What are you committed to?
“I coach around insights. Life looks one way — something happens — the world looks different and your entire world changes. It can happen in an instance.”
— Rich Litvin, Master Coach, 1 Insight Podcast
I want to share one of the most profound one-insight moments during my coaching session with Priit. It was led by a simple question, "what are you committed to?"
Initially, I interpreted it as “what am I certain to achieve in life?” Since I always felt short in committing to anything more ambitious than what I am now, I gave a reluctant answer, "I am committed to being a good person because that is one thing I am certain I can do."
The conversation would have ended there. But in the spirit of making sense out of the question, I asked Pritt, “what are you committed to? Could you give me an example?” Below was the conversation that ensued:
[Priit] I have a personal manifesto. Every morning I pick out a few lines from it and ask myself if I am committed to them today. For example, this morning, I asked, “whom am I committed to serving today?” My answer was you — today I am committed to serving you powerfully.
[Me] What is a personal manifesto?
[Priit] (recited his personal manifesto)
[Me] Wow, your personal manifesto is truly powerful and ambitious! Are you able to achieve them all?
[Priit] Of course not! They are my north stars for life. Some of them are so ambitious that one may never be “done” with them in a life time. It’s not about reaching the end goal. What I am asking is what you are committed to do every day.
[Me] If the question is about what my actions are committed to, then judging from my past, I was committed to my jobs because whenever there was a conflict, I almost always chose work over others.
[Me] Now, I see the difference. I could probably write a powerful personal manifesto like yours if I push myself to do it. The difference is that you actually use the personal manifesto to guide your daily actions, whereas I would just feel good about writing a nice piece and put it away.
[Me] So what guided my actions everyday? It was getting things done — especially things from other people. My daily life was driven by todo lists from work and chores. I let other people’s requests drive my life. OMG, I never lived a purpose-driven life in my entire adult life!
That was my one-insight moment six months ago. It allowed me to see the irony of a productivity-driven life I led so far (i.e., how to get more and more things done) and shifted me towards meaning (i.e., what are important to me and what I truly want).
My personal manifesto
The conversation did not end up there either. Right after my “aha!” moment, Priit asked again, “what are you committed to now?” This time I answered what I aspired to be committed to by accessing my deepest wants — deep connections w/ people, learning and excellence, rich experiences, and living life gently.
After the session, I got a copy of Priit’s personal manifesto. And a few days later, on an impulse, I wrote my first personal manifesto — it is an embodiment of who I am now and who I strive to be.
I am PW. I put who I am over what I do.
I live life gently; I slow down and savor the moment;
Everyone can teach me something. Every day I expand, connect, and create;
I have an extraordinary mind and a refined intellect; when I put my mind onto something, magic happens;
I am a fish with wings, and one day I will fly;
I show up every day with a big smile on my face, a soft belly to feel, a kind heart to give, and an open mind to receive;
I don’t prove myself to anyone; I am good enough; I am already successful;
I see people and make them feel seen; I serve them so powerfully that they will never forget how I made them feel;
My emotions are my teachers, and I find great wisdom in what I feel in my body;
I am an artist — I create, I express, I show my art to the world;
I am a thinker; I absorb wisdom like a sponge, then I share and teach others;
I am a leader without titles; I lead not because I know better but because it is the brave thing to do;
I problem seek instead of problem-solving; I live in the questions;
I keep my ego small, and I don’t want to scale on mass; I believe in people-to-people power, I build my village by touching lives one at a time;
I meet fun and interesting people, and I change the world one powerful conversation at a time;
I take care of my body; I move every day; I give it a good rest;
I put my family first, I spend quality time with my loved ones, I try my best not to do damage to my kids.
Now six months had passed, I could see the effect of my personal manifesto on my mindset and how I approached my work. How did the transformation happen? Stay tuned for my next post.