Pen{g}sieve Vol 1. (I): Why do I start the blog?

In my “real” job, I am a researcher and software engineer who designs compilers and programming languages. But this blog is not about my technical field, nor is it about tips for learning any specific technical skills. I start this blog to share my understanding and methodologies on learning. The blog is about how to view ourselves as a system of fundamental skills, mental models, tiny habits, and workflows, and based on that understanding how to design improvements to that system to generate desired outcomes.

Why? Because as a mid-career technical expert, I realized that what gets us “here” may not lead us to the next level of mastery. After many years of doing things in a particular way, the way we think and operate needs a major re-examination. In an analogy to computer systems, acquiring practical technical skills is like installing shiny new “apps”. But from time to time, the underlying “hardware” and “operating system” of our human systems need a major upgrade.

A burst of personal growth

I have experienced tremendous intellectual growth in the last year or so, waking up every morning with fresh thoughts, being curious about things that are completely unrelated (such as digital marketing, content creation, or nutriceuticals), and, even more surprisingly, developing a strong sense of purpose and meaning to influence people around me.

How did “that” happen? Externally, the past 16-month has been somewhat a career setback for me. Due to external events, the usual mode of operation of the company I work for was severely disrupted. As such, my role before and after the summer of 2019 was completely redefined.  I have seen my team downsized dramatically, my responsibility significantly reduced, and there was a lot of uncertainty for the future. Since work has always been an essential part of my identity, this setback was a mini existential crisis for me.

But internally, the past 16-month has been one of the most satisfying periods of my life. My health is better, my family is happier, my attention is back, and my work is more effective (though quite different). Overall, I am a better version of myself in all four aspects of well-being: physical, social, mental, and spiritual (in the sense of purpose and meaning).  I am as amazed by the changes as others around me who have noticed the changes.

Sharing to help others like me

Luckily I recorded my journey through the fog in my daily journal, so the wisdom was not lost. However, It is one thing to keep your thoughts in a journal or in private conversations. It is a very different thing to share them publicly (yes, vulnerability is real, sharing true thoughts makes one feel “vulnerable” and “exposed”). I have always debated on how much to share on social media, and have only shared sparingly so far. 

In a world of knowledge abundance and attention scarcity,  who wants to read another newsletter? That was my hesitation until I saw this question:

"what can you do to help others like you?"

Looking back on the transformations I went through, I am certain that sharing my journey in learning will help someone like me, i.e., mid-career technical people w/ solid skills and strong work ethics but a lot of untapped potentials. People like me at this stage of their career needs a system upgrade to get to the next level, but many do not realize it or not knowing how.

I even did a little “market segment” analysis to convince myself that I can offer something useful. In the blogger-sphere, self-help and productivity is a crowded space, but very few senior engineers are blogging in this space. Because of monetary incentives (for those who make a living with blogging), this space is flooded with popular articles such as “10 tips to improve productivity” or “5 things that Elon Musk or Warren Buffet do” that are designed to maximize clicks or serve as sales funnels.

I have a full-time engineering job. I do not blog for money and only share what I feel passionate about and from my own experiences. I share when I am still “in the trenches” as the trials and struggles are still happening right now (rather than from a distant memory or after reaching the mountain top). So what I share will more likely resonate w/ my folks because we have similar struggles, emotional triggers, biases, and blind spots. I am a cross-breed of a senior tech expert, mindfulness practitioner, and learning enthusiast, so what I share may be refreshing to people in engineering.

Building meaningful connections

My other reasons for sharing are less altruistic. I hope this blog will allow me to build more meaningful connections with my friends and people who have cross paths with me at some point. With a busy modern life, it is hard to find time to have a meaningful conversation with even my closest friends!

As someone who has worked remotely (out of Rochester NY, away from any major tech hub) since 2004, even face-to-face conversations with my current colleagues are special treats for occasional office and conference visits.

Last week I went through every contact in MyNetwork on LinkedIn. That is an interesting exercise. I see a condensed version of people's professional lives captured in the single headline of his/her LinkedIn profile. I see that most have switched jobs, many moved along the career ladder, some changed professions, and a few retired. Though many of us spent the majority of our time and energy at work, I realized that I know my professional connections mainly by titles. Even my old colleagues with whom there had been meaningful connections, I have lost touch with them, and they also gradually fade into a LinkedIn headline.

So I hope this blog will (re-)connect me with people at the human level, and perhaps I can attract like-minded souls through a serendipitous encounter over the internet.

Experimenting w/ a new identity

Lastly, the newsletter is a personal journey of creative expression. I have never even remotely considered myself as someone who can write. It is a mind-shift when I transition from a consumer of content, to a curator of content, and ultimately to some one who produces content. Building my voice is an important stage of self-development and a new identity I try to cultivate for my future self.

Starting this blog is a personal challenge to overcome perfectionism and to take on a little risk. But it can also be a transformative experience. When I am not so sure about it, I am reminded by another beautiful question:

"what will my future self want me to work on right now?"

Perhaps the answer is "to start a blog" now to build beautiful human connections :).