Pen{g}sieve Vol. 19: Limiting Beliefs in 2022
“The purpose of seeing through limiting beliefs is to create spaciousness in life.”
— Joe Hudson, Art of Accomplishment podcast
November marked my 2nd anniversary at Meta. On this anniversary, I would like to reflect on the limiting beliefs I have seen through in the past year and the ones that I still ponder.
Limiting beliefs that I updated in the past year
“Limiting beliefs are not about right or wrong but about what makes you feel constricted.”
— Joe Hudson, Art of Accomplishment podcast
1. Comparative mind vs. Self-love
Old belief: I used to feel small in the vicinity of people I perceived as better than me because I believed that people were either better, worse, or equal to me.
New belief: I now feel comfortable in my own skins when interacting with people because I believe that what is essentially me is good enough, and so is everyone else’s.
Why is it limiting? Because it hinders my ability to learn and build connections. I shy away from those I perceive as better than me and spend much energy defending the ego from those perceived as equal or worse than me.
What held the old belief in place? I thought everyone compared themselves to others and never considered getting rid of it a thing!
How did I change it? First, intellectually via the AoA master class I took last summer (see this post), then somatically via the 3-day retreat with the AoA community this summer, where I had a breakthrough in experiencing self-love (see this post).
What shifted after upgrading the limiting belief? Interacting with people felt more effortless, especially in unfamiliar social settings like a conference or a neighborhood gathering. Conversations became a lot more interesting. I laughed aloud more. I felt good wearing flat shoes.
2. Control vs. Co-creation
Old belief: I used to feel stuck when I could not see the solution to a problem because I believed that I had to come up with the answer myself to lead.
New belief: I now feel curious and creative when formulating a problem that I do not see a solution to because I believe I can solve bigger problems by co-creating with others.
Why is it limiting? Because it holds me from taking action on challenging problems that may be solved collectively with others.
What held the old belief in place? My conception that a strong leader is an authoritative figure who always knows how to get there.
How did I change it? I joined a high-profile project this year that attracted many strong ICs and EMs. Since the project was well underway when I got involved, it was unclear if there was a space for another senior person like me. So I eased into the project by focusing on doing the immediate thing that felt right to do at the moment. When I finally created a space for myself three months later, I noticed a subtle change in my leadership style. I initiated more — by sharing my thoughts and ideas — but controlled less — by being open to whatever inputs others provided. The word “co-creation” came to me during my coaching sessions. I noticed that the course of my coaching sessions was never predictable in the beginning because the outcome was co-created by Priit and me at the moment. I realized that what happened in my project was co-creation too — nobody dominated, each contributed their unique part, and together we created something much bigger than each of us individually could conceive.
What shifted after upgrading this limiting belief? I took action immediately, often with only the clarity of the very next step, but trusted that others had their parts to play. Organizing meetings became a lot lighter — I did not feel the need to control the outcome but treated it as co-creation to gain clarity by absorbing all kinds of signals.
3. Getting more done vs. Slowing down
Old belief: I used to feel tensed when my scope grew because I believed I had to get more done and thus spend even more time and energy on work.
New belief: I feel excited and curious when my scope grows because I believe good leaders think clearly, and I can slow down to gain clarity.
Why is it limiting? Because it puts me into a mindset of scarcity.
What held the old belief in place? The conventional wisdom that bigger scope means more work and harder work.
How did I upgrade it? I first heard the phrase “slow down to speed up” from Rich Litvin, a master coach whose podcast and newsletter often expand my thinking. I heard him repeating this phrase enough times to look for evidence of its working. I noticed many times I just needed to focus on building the structure at the beginning; then, the system would start to generate results. When a project got messy or stuck, my instinct was to find the crux of the problem, formulate it in its essence, and then focus on chipping away at the problem one bit at a time. All of these require high-quality energy — such as focus and creativity — through writing, reading, and sitting in a question for a while, but not lots of busy work. I chose to play a game of creativity instead of a game of time.
What shifted after upgrading this limiting belief? I put a good energy state above all else. I took all my PTOs completely unplugged from work without feeling guilty. I took naps every day. I chose creative work over time-intensive work. I measured a year’s productivity by the posts I wrote, the stories I presented, the new conversations and structures I initiated, and the growth I influenced in people.
My top three limiting beliefs today
The following are some limiting beliefs I notice in my system today.
I feel constricted when seeing other managers do coding/experimentation work because I believe that I am lacking as an engineering manager if I do not code.
I feel constricted when conversing about business topics or tech trends because I believe I should be more interested in business, but I do not, which makes me a weak leader.
I feel incompetent to lead in a cut-throat business environment because I believe my leadership style is too soft and my system takes too long to deliver results.